... there's gonna be two options left for three person teams. If you need two and then anyone does anything but you guys, then... yeah, no way around it. Even if they don't, we'll lose one in the vote.
[she's not even much of a touchy person, but all of these people who are willing to care so much about what happens to them and be so brave are really putting her through it.]
It will be. We're going to make sure. It just sucks, to feel like everybody thinks it's me and Haru who have to survive. Based on points, it makes sense. But based people and how much they matter, it's so unfair.
... it's not an easy position. But back before we heard anything-- when we were deciding what to do, and we decided it was gonna be too much of a risk to start trying to get ahead ourselves, it was between playing support for Nahida's team or for you guys. We didn't know if you even had any from erasure yet. It was just based on... who we trusted the most to make sure everyone would be okay.
We went with them because we didn't want to force that responsibility on you guys. That's... I'm pretty sure that's why Nahida did anything at all. To have a backup, at least, since before this week we were just planning to try and help catch them up.
[exhaling a little sigh, there. sometimes you kind of maybe nudged god into murder and it's so not helping.]
So I think-- the least we can do to help now is make it easier on you. At least let you not worry so much about picking someone.
...I don't want it to be all on us, either. I understand why Nahida did what she did.
[...]
The truth is, I think, before we found out the stuff about saving other teams, we were the only team to act on our own. Everyone else got text messages making them. And we didn't do it to be good people or save everybody. We did it to save Rin. [...] Um, the week Yakumo, Lambda, and Shenhe died -
Shenhe was Gerard, and Lambda was me. We didn't know the other was going to do something. I just thought Haru and Gerard wouldn't want to be involved in something so awful, but they'd never let me take on the responsibility by myself, so if I thought it needed to happen I had to do it myself. And I don't ever want to be in the position of waiting around for someone else to save me ever again. I've learned the hard way that doesn't work out. But I guess Gerard knew I felt that way and thought he needed to act to protect me and Haru. And to save us, and Rin, and nobody else.
[they didn't begin this with good intentions, necessarily. at least, they'd decided that if only one team was going to survive, they were going to be the ones to do it.]
And then we found out we could save other people, too. And we realized we had to keep going, because what we did meant we were definitely the first place team. I really like you guys, and I really like Go to Sleep, but I don't think this is a competition about being good people. It's a competition about who is going to be the first person to say, I'm not going to die here, so I'll pick up the ax and do whatever ugly thing has to be done.
And I think we are...probably a team that is good at that. So Haru and me, we want to fight for everyone, and for you guys, too. But I just wanted you to know all of that and what you were supporting.
No, I get you. I knew you already had to have been doing something by the time we got those messages and all, and I don't think I even showed Gerard that message until after Shenhe and Lambda were gone.
...I wanted to, if I'm being honest. Not that I actually wanted to erase anyone-- but I thought we'd have to. That we probably should. Zelda was against it, and Yuzu thought it was too big a risk because we lost Yuyu so fast, and... I guess I was too afraid of letting them down.
We talked after Yuyu got erased, and I said we needed to start doing things together, because I thought if she'd just let us help or said something so we could cover for her better, maybe we wouldn't have lost her at all. I'd have been okay with doing that for her. But after I said that, when they weren't willing to do it, I couldn't... I couldn't bring myself to do that to our team again. So. I wouldn't really... say that I've been much of a good person here either. I know how stuff's supposed to go.
Yeah. From the start, there was a way this was supposed to go. And I think we hoped it wouldn't be like that, but it's always been - if you want to go back, you have to want it badly enough to take it from someone else.
[it's nasty, but it's not even necessarily unfair. life can be like that, too. she may be the youngest person on this team, but she also came into this game willing to stab if she had to.]
I don't want to hurt anyone, but I didn't want to lose my friends, either. So I wanted to protect them from it. I haven't done that great of a job...
Yeah. That's how it always is. That's always why I've had to kill before-- it's that, or die. Living always... ends up coming at someone else's expense like that.
[and he hates it, and he's so, so tired of ending lives with his own hands, but he was ready to do it. he could have.]
...I just wasn't brave enough to go back on what I said to them. I kept thinking about what I'd have done to them, if I went off on my own and got caught and it was just the two of them left... and then we ended up with two anyway. I haven't done a very good job for them here either, I guess.
I used to think of myself as the kind of person these things didn't happen to. Until it did. And I learned I was strong enough to lift an ax after all.
I can't blame the people who haven't had that happen to them yet. Actually, I wanted to protect Haru and Rin so it wouldn't, but...it's happening to all of us now. There's not an easy way to protect anybody here, but I think it sounds like you really tried.
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carisma_sensei
no subject
Date: 2023-07-23 01:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-07-23 01:56 am (UTC)[and he got that note saying froggy had to keep going.]
I feel bad. After all those letters and everyone wanting to help us.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-23 02:00 am (UTC)[nothing to even cover for.]
That's not gonna mean you have to make up for it though, is it?
no subject
Date: 2023-07-23 02:08 am (UTC)[except i, siz, will not be here next weekend.]
Probably? We need the points.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-23 02:11 am (UTC)... and there's not a lot of options left, huh.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-23 02:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-07-23 02:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-07-23 03:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-07-23 03:06 am (UTC)[after a couple moments of quiet-]
If the safest thing for you is to get the points from just going ahead and taking out a team-
[then it's safest to do it with people who won't try to get them caught for real, right?]
no subject
Date: 2023-07-23 03:13 am (UTC)[she knows what he's getting at, and he might be right, but fuck.]
Strategically, that's probably true.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-23 03:22 am (UTC)Besides, if we took the fall, it could make people mad on our behalf if we come up innocent and we can't outright say you didn't just frame us.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-23 03:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-07-23 03:40 am (UTC)Sometimes you have to break things to put them back together.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-23 01:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-07-23 01:10 pm (UTC)that's one of the nice things about being here, at least-- he's pretty sure he's never been hugged so much in his life. he can't say he minds it.]
... it'll work out okay.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-23 01:14 pm (UTC)It will be. We're going to make sure. It just sucks, to feel like everybody thinks it's me and Haru who have to survive. Based on points, it makes sense. But based people and how much they matter, it's so unfair.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-23 01:22 pm (UTC)We went with them because we didn't want to force that responsibility on you guys. That's... I'm pretty sure that's why Nahida did anything at all. To have a backup, at least, since before this week we were just planning to try and help catch them up.
[exhaling a little sigh, there. sometimes you kind of maybe nudged god into murder and it's so not helping.]
So I think-- the least we can do to help now is make it easier on you. At least let you not worry so much about picking someone.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-23 04:09 pm (UTC)[...]
The truth is, I think, before we found out the stuff about saving other teams, we were the only team to act on our own. Everyone else got text messages making them. And we didn't do it to be good people or save everybody. We did it to save Rin. [...] Um, the week Yakumo, Lambda, and Shenhe died -
Shenhe was Gerard, and Lambda was me. We didn't know the other was going to do something. I just thought Haru and Gerard wouldn't want to be involved in something so awful, but they'd never let me take on the responsibility by myself, so if I thought it needed to happen I had to do it myself. And I don't ever want to be in the position of waiting around for someone else to save me ever again. I've learned the hard way that doesn't work out. But I guess Gerard knew I felt that way and thought he needed to act to protect me and Haru. And to save us, and Rin, and nobody else.
[they didn't begin this with good intentions, necessarily. at least, they'd decided that if only one team was going to survive, they were going to be the ones to do it.]
And then we found out we could save other people, too. And we realized we had to keep going, because what we did meant we were definitely the first place team. I really like you guys, and I really like Go to Sleep, but I don't think this is a competition about being good people. It's a competition about who is going to be the first person to say, I'm not going to die here, so I'll pick up the ax and do whatever ugly thing has to be done.
And I think we are...probably a team that is good at that. So Haru and me, we want to fight for everyone, and for you guys, too. But I just wanted you to know all of that and what you were supporting.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-23 04:30 pm (UTC)...I wanted to, if I'm being honest. Not that I actually wanted to erase anyone-- but I thought we'd have to. That we probably should. Zelda was against it, and Yuzu thought it was too big a risk because we lost Yuyu so fast, and... I guess I was too afraid of letting them down.
We talked after Yuyu got erased, and I said we needed to start doing things together, because I thought if she'd just let us help or said something so we could cover for her better, maybe we wouldn't have lost her at all. I'd have been okay with doing that for her. But after I said that, when they weren't willing to do it, I couldn't... I couldn't bring myself to do that to our team again. So. I wouldn't really... say that I've been much of a good person here either. I know how stuff's supposed to go.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-23 05:56 pm (UTC)Yeah. From the start, there was a way this was supposed to go. And I think we hoped it wouldn't be like that, but it's always been - if you want to go back, you have to want it badly enough to take it from someone else.
[it's nasty, but it's not even necessarily unfair. life can be like that, too. she may be the youngest person on this team, but she also came into this game willing to stab if she had to.]
I don't want to hurt anyone, but I didn't want to lose my friends, either. So I wanted to protect them from it. I haven't done that great of a job...
no subject
Date: 2023-07-23 06:10 pm (UTC)[and he hates it, and he's so, so tired of ending lives with his own hands, but he was ready to do it. he could have.]
...I just wasn't brave enough to go back on what I said to them. I kept thinking about what I'd have done to them, if I went off on my own and got caught and it was just the two of them left... and then we ended up with two anyway. I haven't done a very good job for them here either, I guess.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-24 01:04 am (UTC)I can't blame the people who haven't had that happen to them yet. Actually, I wanted to protect Haru and Rin so it wouldn't, but...it's happening to all of us now. There's not an easy way to protect anybody here, but I think it sounds like you really tried.