[...she really does just listen to him, serious. she doesn't flinch or act cowed. not because she doesn't care, but because really, it's sort of...unfair to do the sad little girl thing at him when he's not wrong.]
I think you're wrong about that. A lot of people did want to believe in you and defend you. Like Amelia, and Livio. If that changed, it changed after they found out other things, things you did.
[but the rest is pretty fair.]
I mean, yeah. What I did to you was horrible. It turned out way worse than I realized it would, but it's my fault for not realizing. And of course I wanted to tell you when I saw your memory and I saw why it was affecting you so bad, but the fact is, like...
When I decided to kill Lambda, it was before we knew we could save anybody but us. I did it knowing that I was choosing my own team over every single other person here. And once I killed her, I wasn't going to go back on that decision. Like, what would it say if I didn't feel too bad to kill her, but I felt too bad to save my own life after? [in her opinion, it would have been shittier than anything else she did, to decide to kill lambda and then change her mind about doing anything to win and throw her and lambda's lives away.] I didn't know if you would kill me if you knew, or tell people who might want to kill me, and I still don't really know that you wouldn't have. So...once it happened, it happened. I wasn't going to endanger my life to fix it, because I owed it to too many people at that point.
I think you probably should just hate me, because it happened and I can't fix it or change it.
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carisma_sensei
no subject
Date: 2023-08-02 02:46 pm (UTC)I think you're wrong about that. A lot of people did want to believe in you and defend you. Like Amelia, and Livio. If that changed, it changed after they found out other things, things you did.
[but the rest is pretty fair.]
I mean, yeah. What I did to you was horrible. It turned out way worse than I realized it would, but it's my fault for not realizing. And of course I wanted to tell you when I saw your memory and I saw why it was affecting you so bad, but the fact is, like...
When I decided to kill Lambda, it was before we knew we could save anybody but us. I did it knowing that I was choosing my own team over every single other person here. And once I killed her, I wasn't going to go back on that decision. Like, what would it say if I didn't feel too bad to kill her, but I felt too bad to save my own life after? [in her opinion, it would have been shittier than anything else she did, to decide to kill lambda and then change her mind about doing anything to win and throw her and lambda's lives away.] I didn't know if you would kill me if you knew, or tell people who might want to kill me, and I still don't really know that you wouldn't have. So...once it happened, it happened. I wasn't going to endanger my life to fix it, because I owed it to too many people at that point.
I think you probably should just hate me, because it happened and I can't fix it or change it.