[she watches him, her face blank, but her ears flat.]
I never do learn my lesson. You grow up knowing there's a wolf in the forest that eats children, but you meet him and he seems nice, and fun. So you let him convince you to let your guard down and then he goes and eats your grandma.
[the tension hasn't left her body at all.]
The lesson isn't that he's cruel, it's that he's a wolf. He's going to do what wolves do. [...] I cared about him, too. I wish I'd protected him.
[she doesn't know what he means by that, but she knows what she means.]
I hate having to learn lessons. I hate my story. But I suppose - I am what I am, too, and for now I still exist to teach children what to be afraid of.
I don't believe that's what we have to be. I believe we can be something else. You may be a monster, but so am I, and I don't think that has to mean what everyone has decided it's supposed to mean.
...I don't hate you. But I knew from the start it would be safer for the people I want to protect if I killed you, and I will always regret staying my hand.
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carisma_sensei
no subject
Date: 2023-06-25 12:19 pm (UTC)[that's actually quite not what he said, but it's how she heard it.]
Is that true? Did you pretend to care about him and pretend to hold his hand all day even though you did it?
no subject
Date: 2023-06-25 12:38 pm (UTC)...I wish I hadn't cared about him at all.
no subject
Date: 2023-06-25 12:54 pm (UTC)I never do learn my lesson. You grow up knowing there's a wolf in the forest that eats children, but you meet him and he seems nice, and fun. So you let him convince you to let your guard down and then he goes and eats your grandma.
[the tension hasn't left her body at all.]
The lesson isn't that he's cruel, it's that he's a wolf. He's going to do what wolves do. [...] I cared about him, too. I wish I'd protected him.
no subject
Date: 2023-06-25 02:21 pm (UTC)rang's expression doesn't so much as flicker, though his gaze rests on her longer after her story, then he looks away]
If you had, then it would have turned out very differently. For both of you.
no subject
Date: 2023-06-25 03:04 pm (UTC)[she doesn't know what he means by that, but she knows what she means.]
I hate having to learn lessons. I hate my story. But I suppose - I am what I am, too, and for now I still exist to teach children what to be afraid of.
no subject
Date: 2023-06-25 03:13 pm (UTC)I've told so many stories of myself, that they've all become true in some ways. So whatever version people believe in will be their truth.
no subject
Date: 2023-06-25 03:20 pm (UTC)...I don't hate you. But I knew from the start it would be safer for the people I want to protect if I killed you, and I will always regret staying my hand.
[...]
Were you told by someone that you had to do it?
no subject
Date: 2023-06-25 03:26 pm (UTC)I haven't told anyone else anything about what happened, and I don't think I will tonight.
If you really want to know, then ask Buzen and Matsui after tomorrow.
no subject
Date: 2023-06-25 04:25 pm (UTC)[she can't make him, and no good will come of anything else she does.]
Goodbye, Rang Lee.