[she will come find jonas after trial. somewhere warmer than christmas town, ideally. she can take off her bloody shark sweater and instead wear her M.I.L.F. (Man I Love Frogs) t-shirt.]
jonas is probably coming out of mime-a-mia with some coffee because it's been. an extremely long morning already. but he does pause and gives her a slight smile when she speaks up. ]
Hey. Feeling better? [ he'd...heard about things from thursday and her explanation yesterday, so he figures it's fair to ask. ]
Good. [ a sip from his drink. ] I'm sure everybody else has told you this already, but all of us were pretty worried when you didn't show up. Things around here are more dire than usual, so...any sudden changes seem to freak people out.
[ he doesn't think he needs to clarify haru told him the day before. but his expression doesn't change, other than bordering a little more on contemplative. ]
...no, I get it. It's hard to do that kind of a favor for somebody when you know what it actually means in the longrun. Not, uh, that it was a favor-favor but...you get what I mean. It feels less bad going through with it when they aren't really expecting it instead of knowing they've thought about it and trusted you to do it.
[ or, and likely, i am talking out of my ass. maybe i should project less. ]
Alex and I kind of realized what had happened in the middle of the trial. We shifted our focus to the other cases after that. I don't know if that's fair, but...can't really change anything about that now.
...Yeah. Well, and like, we had to pick someone, and I couldn't pick somebody and face them knowing someone else had been willing
[but she nods a little.]
It's not fair exactly. I actually kind of hate it. But it's how it has to happen, so I'm grateful for you guys. Um. Sorry for pushing back so much about Livio, but the thing is - when I didn't show up, he helped Haru instead. So I was pretty sure he hadn't done anything that night.
Right. [ had...? subjectively, yes. understandable ] It seems silly to pick somebody else when you had volunteers. I get that.
I'll be frank with you. I'm not exactly happy with the fact this is how things have to happen either. I don't like turning an eye away from stuff when people are obviously upset, but I've never made it a secret that I'll do what's necessary to help people who need it. [ .......
hold on. ]
...can you. Uh. Clarify what you mean about Livio showing up to help Haru? What do you mean? [ because. uh. ylfa was there when haru returned from his mission, so. there is. really only one option here. ]
there's a moment where jonas sort of goes still. like he's debating how he wants to feel about that, and it's probably because he is. ]
...you all planned this then. Or at least a back-up plan? How does that work when you're on two different teams? [ ...well. he has some Thoughts about that, but he is keeping these to himself. he's mostly curious, and busy dealing with rapidly racing thoughts that he's batting back. ]
More of a backup plan. Since last time we went, both Haru and I had gone on excursions, which was pretty bad. [Week 4, that is.] So if that happened again, we wanted somebody else willing to go with us.
[as far as him being on another team - ]
It's not against the rules. I don't know whether they get any points for it, but not the points for the full thing. Livio is just one of the people who has always offered to help us however he can, so we took him up on it this time.
[ ...sure, that makes sense. a contingency plan. he can't fault them for that. he's not even sure he can fault them for letting livio help them since everyone has a view on this guy that makes him trustworthy and makes people defensive of him. which...fine. he doesn't want to put a lot of thought into it, though ylfa may pick up stray fragments of frustrated thoughts. ]
Far as I know, people only get points if they're the one who deals the final blow. We got points for Simon. We didn't get points for getting away with it. [ evenly. slowly. ] ...I'm glad that he was able to help you. But please do me a favor and don't mention that to Alex or to Kazuki. The less they know about that part, the better.
I just didn't want him to get blamed for something he didn't do, but like - I'm not saying anything about anything else. When we talked about things last week, I didn't, um - [How to put this...] Livio and I didn't talk about some things until very recently. So last week when you and I talked, it wasn't, like...it didn't have anything to do with anybody specific.
No, I...[ okay. hold on. he just chews his lip for a moment. ] Okay. I know it didn't. Let's roll this back for a second. What is it that you actually know before I start running my mouth and saying more than I should be?
I'm trying not to run my mouth and say more than I should, but I'm pretty sure I basically know all of it...? At least about the three cases last week.
Our friends who aren't here gave us the idea first. And then Wolfwood came to me on Tuesday to beg for forgiveness on his behalf. Tried to explain how it wasn't his fault. Tried to say how we shouldn't hold it against him, because it wasn't really him, it was someone else who took control.
And last night, Livio said it was because that other person felt that Setsu was a threat. So he appeared, and killed them.
[ ... ]
I understand that Livio and that other person are two different people. But it still sucks to be told all of this and not even really an apology? It's just... "you can't blame him, don't blame him, he would never hurt anybody" and "I'm not asking for forgiveness, I still like all of you." I dunno. I'm just...doing my best not to think of things to try and keep it together for the other two. It's hard to stop being angry about these things, I think. Anyway the point is that's why I'm not telling them about that part. Not until things settle down again. Or maybe never, I don't know yet. I want to cause the least amount of problems as possible when we're this close to the end.
But that doesn't change that I'm glad he was able to help you both. And it doesn't change that I don't want to see something happen to him either. [ despite the conflicting feelings about today's execution and having to deal with listening to kazuki's thoughts. ]
[she listens to all of this, and looks relieved as he speaks. I'm glad you know all of that. And that you feel that way.]
Yeah. I knew about the other guy from the pigs, but I didn't know he was here until this week. [...] Listen, honestly I don't really agree with the idea that you guys shouldn't blame him or be mad. That would be really stupid. People have decided to forgive me for some things, and I really treasure them. And acting like it's something that's owed is...it makes it cheap. And I think that's what he means, too, when he says he's not asking for it.
We can still kind of work together when it comes to the important things without necessarily liking or trusting each other all the time.
I was starting to think we were crazy for still being upset about it. [ which. you know. ] It's...pretty much what I told Wolfwood. We had no plans to confront him and we weren't going to blame him to his face. But it's not like any of us can control how we feel about it when it was in addition to us being his example for an inter-team kill. [ to them, it was extra insulting to have the "person" who killed setsu try to suggest the idea that inter-team kills were possible when talking about setsu's murder, despite bringing it up because of simon. ]
This was never going to end with every single person liking or trusting every single other person anyway. People are always gonna feel a way about people killing their friends. But I do think there can be some understanding if people want to be upset without being told it's wrong to feel that way, just like I think we can all still work together since everybody's got the same goal.
[ another sip. ] Between what happened with Simon and what happened with Livio, all three of us weren't entirely sure how to feel about Justice being ahead. But I do think that as long as Livio's himself, he would want to bring everybody back.
[ jonas's reservations mostly were in the idea of not entirely knowing if razlo would show up again and joss the whole thing, considering. ]
But because of what happened this weekend, the rankings are probably gonna change one more time. I don't know when we'll find out either.
I haven't confirmed it yet but there's basically no way we aren't in the lead now. Justice has three, two they got away with, we have five, four we got away with. [Sorry, it's so gross to describe it like that.]
I do trust Livio, but I also get it. And I think both he and Razlo also kind of know that it's going to be harder for people to trust Justice.
[she sighs.]
I feel really weird about this stuff, Jonas, but it's not that I think no one should be angry at him. It's more that it sometimes makes me wish people would be angrier at us. But then I think about how brave Haru has been, and I don't want that, either. Still - you aren't crazy. Of course not. Setsu should still be here.
[ he's busy counting on his fingers. it's fine, i get it. ]
Sounds like those numbers add up to me. I don't know how many people even know about Razlo at this point since it seems like a lot of people still trust Livio. But considering the conversation I had with Livio I would say you're right, he kind of knows.
[ ...but he sighs. ]
I get you. I definitely get it, it's...I really don't get how you guys are doing it when I was kind of all over the place after we killed Simon. [ mostly because he oscillated between if it was a good or a bad thing, and also losing setsu. ] I think there's going to be time later for everybody to be angry with whoever they want. To be honest with you, I am still upset Shenhe's gone. I...writing to her has helped, but I can tell something's changed that I can't fix right now. I wish she were still here. I wish Setsu were still here because we're still trying to learn how to be okay again.
But it's all complicated for everybody, in the end. That's what it all comes down to isn't it?
[Thanks. She swallows and nods when he talks about Shenhe.]
Yeah. Writing isn't the same. I wish they were both here, too. It's complicated, and I think we're all trying to do the right thing. I feel weird about Simon, too. I don't think I made him go after other people, but also what I did do to him hurt him really badly, and I'm responsible for some of what happened because of that. But - whether he deserved it or didn't deserve it, the fact is that the week he died he was asking Haru a lot of questions about Lambda, so if he hadn't died he might have killed Haru next.
Everybody's trying to do the right thing, but the game was designed so that the "right thing" is morally compromising to begin with. I can understand feeling responsible for some of what happened because you framed him. [ ...but, well. ] ...we were planning to go after Simon a week before we did, actually. But then Kazuki came back on a mission, and we knew we couldn't leave him behind like that. Plus we couldn't risk his effects from his mission showing up and derailing stuff during the trial. [ and also the mods told us the queue was full. ] I wish we had worked harder to go through with it sometimes. At least to stop him from killing Fukuzawa, but having that happen just made it more obvious why we had to take him out. If it wasn't his own teammate, you're right, it would've been someone else.
I'm not saying our kill was morally correct. But I find myself not feeling as bad as I should because of those factors. As long as it meant keeping other people safe. [ tch. ] Not that he was happy we cornered him, but whatever. Never thought this would be a position I'd find myself in either.
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carisma_sensei
week 6; sunday
Date: 2023-07-30 10:08 pm (UTC)...Jonas, hi.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-30 10:51 pm (UTC)jonas is probably coming out of mime-a-mia with some coffee because it's been. an extremely long morning already. but he does pause and gives her a slight smile when she speaks up. ]
Hey. Feeling better? [ he'd...heard about things from thursday and her explanation yesterday, so he figures it's fair to ask. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-07-30 10:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-07-30 10:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-07-30 10:57 pm (UTC)[but unfortunately I was out this weekend.]
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Date: 2023-07-30 11:00 pm (UTC)I think the best we can do is be there for him now, too. But...I get it. Thursdays are always hard.
[ especially when they're friends. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-07-30 11:06 pm (UTC)[Oh, okay.]
Yeah. They asked us to. Which is hard, because sort of - the fact that they did made me really not want to.
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Date: 2023-07-30 11:14 pm (UTC)...no, I get it. It's hard to do that kind of a favor for somebody when you know what it actually means in the longrun. Not, uh, that it was a favor-favor but...you get what I mean. It feels less bad going through with it when they aren't really expecting it instead of knowing they've thought about it and trusted you to do it.
[ or, and likely, i am talking out of my ass. maybe i should project less. ]
Alex and I kind of realized what had happened in the middle of the trial. We shifted our focus to the other cases after that. I don't know if that's fair, but...can't really change anything about that now.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-30 11:20 pm (UTC)[but she nods a little.]
It's not fair exactly. I actually kind of hate it. But it's how it has to happen, so I'm grateful for you guys. Um. Sorry for pushing back so much about Livio, but the thing is - when I didn't show up, he helped Haru instead. So I was pretty sure he hadn't done anything that night.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-30 11:32 pm (UTC)I'll be frank with you. I'm not exactly happy with the fact this is how things have to happen either. I don't like turning an eye away from stuff when people are obviously upset, but I've never made it a secret that I'll do what's necessary to help people who need it. [ .......
hold on. ]
...can you. Uh. Clarify what you mean about Livio showing up to help Haru? What do you mean? [ because. uh. ylfa was there when haru returned from his mission, so. there is. really only one option here. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-07-30 11:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-07-31 12:00 am (UTC)there's a moment where jonas sort of goes still. like he's debating how he wants to feel about that, and it's probably because he is. ]
...you all planned this then. Or at least a back-up plan? How does that work when you're on two different teams? [ ...well. he has some Thoughts about that, but he is keeping these to himself. he's mostly curious, and busy dealing with rapidly racing thoughts that he's batting back. ]
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Date: 2023-07-31 12:09 am (UTC)[as far as him being on another team - ]
It's not against the rules. I don't know whether they get any points for it, but not the points for the full thing. Livio is just one of the people who has always offered to help us however he can, so we took him up on it this time.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-31 12:15 am (UTC)Far as I know, people only get points if they're the one who deals the final blow. We got points for Simon. We didn't get points for getting away with it. [ evenly. slowly. ] ...I'm glad that he was able to help you. But please do me a favor and don't mention that to Alex or to Kazuki. The less they know about that part, the better.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-31 12:21 am (UTC)[she takes a breath.]
I just didn't want him to get blamed for something he didn't do, but like - I'm not saying anything about anything else. When we talked about things last week, I didn't, um - [How to put this...] Livio and I didn't talk about some things until very recently. So last week when you and I talked, it wasn't, like...it didn't have anything to do with anybody specific.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-31 12:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-07-31 12:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-07-31 12:56 am (UTC)Our friends who aren't here gave us the idea first. And then Wolfwood came to me on Tuesday to beg for forgiveness on his behalf. Tried to explain how it wasn't his fault. Tried to say how we shouldn't hold it against him, because it wasn't really him, it was someone else who took control.
And last night, Livio said it was because that other person felt that Setsu was a threat. So he appeared, and killed them.
[ ... ]
I understand that Livio and that other person are two different people. But it still sucks to be told all of this and not even really an apology? It's just... "you can't blame him, don't blame him, he would never hurt anybody" and "I'm not asking for forgiveness, I still like all of you." I dunno. I'm just...doing my best not to think of things to try and keep it together for the other two. It's hard to stop being angry about these things, I think. Anyway the point is that's why I'm not telling them about that part. Not until things settle down again. Or maybe never, I don't know yet. I want to cause the least amount of problems as possible when we're this close to the end.
But that doesn't change that I'm glad he was able to help you both. And it doesn't change that I don't want to see something happen to him either. [ despite the conflicting feelings about today's execution and having to deal with listening to kazuki's thoughts. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-07-31 01:05 am (UTC)Yeah. I knew about the other guy from the pigs, but I didn't know he was here until this week. [...] Listen, honestly I don't really agree with the idea that you guys shouldn't blame him or be mad. That would be really stupid. People have decided to forgive me for some things, and I really treasure them. And acting like it's something that's owed is...it makes it cheap. And I think that's what he means, too, when he says he's not asking for it.
We can still kind of work together when it comes to the important things without necessarily liking or trusting each other all the time.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-31 01:17 am (UTC)he just kind of goes completely lax at that.
THANK GOD. ]
I was starting to think we were crazy for still being upset about it. [ which. you know. ] It's...pretty much what I told Wolfwood. We had no plans to confront him and we weren't going to blame him to his face. But it's not like any of us can control how we feel about it when it was in addition to us being his example for an inter-team kill. [ to them, it was extra insulting to have the "person" who killed setsu try to suggest the idea that inter-team kills were possible when talking about setsu's murder, despite bringing it up because of simon. ]
This was never going to end with every single person liking or trusting every single other person anyway. People are always gonna feel a way about people killing their friends. But I do think there can be some understanding if people want to be upset without being told it's wrong to feel that way, just like I think we can all still work together since everybody's got the same goal.
[ another sip. ] Between what happened with Simon and what happened with Livio, all three of us weren't entirely sure how to feel about Justice being ahead. But I do think that as long as Livio's himself, he would want to bring everybody back.
[ jonas's reservations mostly were in the idea of not entirely knowing if razlo would show up again and joss the whole thing, considering. ]
But because of what happened this weekend, the rankings are probably gonna change one more time. I don't know when we'll find out either.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-31 03:19 am (UTC)I haven't confirmed it yet but there's basically no way we aren't in the lead now. Justice has three, two they got away with, we have five, four we got away with. [Sorry, it's so gross to describe it like that.]
I do trust Livio, but I also get it. And I think both he and Razlo also kind of know that it's going to be harder for people to trust Justice.
[she sighs.]
I feel really weird about this stuff, Jonas, but it's not that I think no one should be angry at him. It's more that it sometimes makes me wish people would be angrier at us. But then I think about how brave Haru has been, and I don't want that, either. Still - you aren't crazy. Of course not. Setsu should still be here.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-31 03:45 am (UTC)Sounds like those numbers add up to me. I don't know how many people even know about Razlo at this point since it seems like a lot of people still trust Livio. But considering the conversation I had with Livio I would say you're right, he kind of knows.
[ ...but he sighs. ]
I get you. I definitely get it, it's...I really don't get how you guys are doing it when I was kind of all over the place after we killed Simon. [ mostly because he oscillated between if it was a good or a bad thing, and also losing setsu. ] I think there's going to be time later for everybody to be angry with whoever they want. To be honest with you, I am still upset Shenhe's gone. I...writing to her has helped, but I can tell something's changed that I can't fix right now. I wish she were still here. I wish Setsu were still here because we're still trying to learn how to be okay again.
But it's all complicated for everybody, in the end. That's what it all comes down to isn't it?
no subject
Date: 2023-07-31 12:13 pm (UTC)Yeah. Writing isn't the same. I wish they were both here, too. It's complicated, and I think we're all trying to do the right thing. I feel weird about Simon, too. I don't think I made him go after other people, but also what I did do to him hurt him really badly, and I'm responsible for some of what happened because of that. But - whether he deserved it or didn't deserve it, the fact is that the week he died he was asking Haru a lot of questions about Lambda, so if he hadn't died he might have killed Haru next.
Right or wrong, I'm glad that didn't happen.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-31 07:02 pm (UTC)Everybody's trying to do the right thing, but the game was designed so that the "right thing" is morally compromising to begin with. I can understand feeling responsible for some of what happened because you framed him. [ ...but, well. ] ...we were planning to go after Simon a week before we did, actually. But then Kazuki came back on a mission, and we knew we couldn't leave him behind like that. Plus we couldn't risk his effects from his mission showing up and derailing stuff during the trial. [ and also the mods told us the queue was full. ] I wish we had worked harder to go through with it sometimes. At least to stop him from killing Fukuzawa, but having that happen just made it more obvious why we had to take him out. If it wasn't his own teammate, you're right, it would've been someone else.
I'm not saying our kill was morally correct. But I find myself not feeling as bad as I should because of those factors. As long as it meant keeping other people safe. [ tch. ] Not that he was happy we cornered him, but whatever. Never thought this would be a position I'd find myself in either.