You're not the only big bad lion around this place. It's not a bunch of scared, innocent people with nice, gentle stories and then you. When you talk, the other ones are listening, too, and the things you say about yourself you're also saying about them.
[ when she comes to sit by him, she can notice that his little egg is giving off some temperature. it's cold, but it feels like it's starting to warm up a little. emotionally, that numb void feels a little...
...awkward, almost. like he's trying to come to terms with feeling in the first place, fumbling around this entire situation. ]
I'm used to being around the worst of humanity. [ people who are cruel, people who are monstrous in the way that humans specifically make monsters - people who are selfish and fueled by greed, people who like to control others. it's a dog eat dog world in the upper echelons of yan city, in the lowest parts of its criminal core, and fei du's seen it all. ] Maybe too used to it.
[ it's a point blank answer. his emotions solidify back into that void, but there's something that strikes through it - something bitter and angry. ]
Rich, powerful people who will stop at nothing to get everything they want, and crush every obstacle in their way, no matter if the cost is currency or blood. They are the root of every single problem in the place that I live, one way or another, and it's all based in selfish, cruel, greed and power. The kind of people who would strike to eliminate an entire team in one go, in order to further their ambitions.
[ the kind of person that fei du was pretending to be. the kind of person he's always had to pretend to be. ]
But most of the people I've met, even the ones I think are really pretty bad, aren't exactly that way. They're all always scared of things more powerful than them... they've decided that their way is the way they're going to survive that.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
carisma_sensei
no subject
Date: 2023-07-02 03:56 am (UTC)I get it. When they're all angry and saying it's evil and it's cruel, it's better sometimes to just say "I'm the monster, you can hate me."
But I don't hate Libby, either...
no subject
Date: 2023-07-02 04:00 am (UTC)there's a huff, there. agreeing. yeah. it's really easy to be the monster. he's got lots of practice. ]
I know. Particularly when it comes to someone like Buzen. And to see Matsui grieving the way he was, too. It's not unfamiliar.
[ ... ] You should talk to her, when you get the chance. The full story of what happened is hers to tell, and it may help to bring some closure.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-02 04:19 am (UTC)[she frowns.]
I wonder if you thought through how Libby feels, when she sees someone else acting like it would take a monster to do the things she did?
no subject
Date: 2023-07-02 04:25 am (UTC)...I need to talk to her, too.
[ so. the answer is no, he didn't think that one through, but there's a very soft ripple of guilt in his fucked up little emotional void zone. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-07-02 01:28 pm (UTC)You're not the only big bad lion around this place. It's not a bunch of scared, innocent people with nice, gentle stories and then you. When you talk, the other ones are listening, too, and the things you say about yourself you're also saying about them.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-02 01:58 pm (UTC)...awkward, almost. like he's trying to come to terms with feeling in the first place, fumbling around this entire situation. ]
I'm used to being around the worst of humanity. [ people who are cruel, people who are monstrous in the way that humans specifically make monsters - people who are selfish and fueled by greed, people who like to control others. it's a dog eat dog world in the upper echelons of yan city, in the lowest parts of its criminal core, and fei du's seen it all. ] Maybe too used to it.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-02 09:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-07-03 02:55 pm (UTC)[ it's a point blank answer. his emotions solidify back into that void, but there's something that strikes through it - something bitter and angry. ]
Rich, powerful people who will stop at nothing to get everything they want, and crush every obstacle in their way, no matter if the cost is currency or blood. They are the root of every single problem in the place that I live, one way or another, and it's all based in selfish, cruel, greed and power. The kind of people who would strike to eliminate an entire team in one go, in order to further their ambitions.
[ the kind of person that fei du was pretending to be. the kind of person he's always had to pretend to be. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-07-03 02:59 pm (UTC)But most of the people I've met, even the ones I think are really pretty bad, aren't exactly that way. They're all always scared of things more powerful than them... they've decided that their way is the way they're going to survive that.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-03 03:10 pm (UTC)there's another ripple of his emotions, again - that bitter, miserable anger that twists hard, before it's sucked back into nothingness. ]
Yes. [ ... ] I've noticed that, too.